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The Positive Accountant - Vol 3 Ed 3

Merry Christmas !



I was going to start this email by saying it was the last one for this year, but with all that has been going on, it would be tempting fate...


What a year it's been. The word unprecedented has been used an unprecedented amount of times, we've found that a furlough has nothing to do with horseracing, and had demonstrated to us how fragile the life that we all took for granted this time last year really was.


So as we draw to a close, I'm wishing you all the best for as good a Christmas as 2020 can offer. And in particular that 2021 will bring better times.


But that's not the only reason for sending this.


You've probably come to realise that I like to do things a little different, so I've given you something to keep the brain active over the break. And no, you're right, you wouldn't get this from any other accountant...


What it comprises is a story about Santa, with some blanks in it. Each and every blank has a car name - make or model.


It's up to you how you use it - some will reach for delete button, some might send it around the country to friends and family as a competition over Christmas pudding.


The answers will come round in a separate email in approximately half an hour's time, up to you whether you open that email or simply store it away for later. And to be honest there are more than one answer for some of them.




"Santa woke up and stretched. Goodness what a night he’d had, being a ______________ across the planet again. His muscles ached and he needed ______________.


He walked out from the bedroom, into the hallway looking for Mrs Claus. It was still dark, she was sitting on the front ______________, polishing the silver with a ______________ looking at the stars in the ______________. One was so bright that it looked like a super ______________


‘Hello dear’, she said. ‘You look like you could do with a ______________ pick me up. Fancy a ______________.’


‘Yes please’, said Santa. He sipped the mug, it wasn’t his usual brand. He winced, it was ______________


It had been a tough night. It started badly when he tripped over the wild ______________ that had been on the prowl out of the jungle.


Then in ______________, Texas, he had had the run in with the ______________. Men in power in the US were not his favourite type of people, but he supposed he had been in the wrong. The trouble is that the wife - a right ______________ if ever there was one - had woken up when Santa entered their room, and started doing early morning yoga.


She had just assumed the ______________ position when her husband had woken, saw Santa with his ______________ out and grabbed his ______________. ‘My wife’s not a ______________’ he yelled as Santa fled into the night.


Feeling like a ______________. later he’d met the Hollywood ______________ who was after a selfie just when he was getting her ______________ the sack.


He had woken up a ______________ pony at a stable and upset a young couple in a dark lane - the lad looked upset that he had been ______________n act. Mind you, looking at the boy in the cold, he thought that to be properly proportioned he should have been a ______________.


The scariest thing though was the little boy in Grand ______________ who had woken and shouted ‘Mummy, Mummy, I ______________ Santa’. His mother had said, in a Carribbean accent, ‘No, no, ______________ is your imagination. You bin sit-in in ______________ agin’


On top of everything he was getting a bit fed up with health fads. He used to get glasses of Scotch left, the real insult this year was the ______________ Ora someone had left. Oh well, he thought, at least the mince pies were still in abundance as he looked down at his straining buttons, a ______________ for the strength of the cotton. If this carries on he might need a ______________t next year ! His wife had said it was some sort of ______________ pregnancy !


At least he had the weekend away with his mates to look forward, playing lots of ______________ and visiting the dancing ______________ at the ______________ in ______________.


Then he saw the envelope ______________ table, a letter from the taxman. They had been conducting an ______________t into his affairs, as a result of a ______________ honestly it was enough to drive anyone round the ______________. The letter inside was demanding unpaid tax, interest and penalties. Penalties ! They were ______________ what the tax originally amounted to !


Not exactly the ______________ he wanted to his break, he knew he needed to ______________ on the letter. The problem related to business travel expenses, and especially payments made to an ______________ service. Whilst he supposed he had been a bit ______________ with his affairs, if there was a problem to ______________ this was definitely it.


Grabbing the letter he went to his favourite ______________ in the garden to ______________. He wondered how he could pay the bill.


He had a large reindeer herd, certainly more than he needed. In it was his new favourite reindeer, Ica, the one he had high hopes for, with the ______________ LED flash lit nose. Maybe he’d have to ______________



He gazed up into ______________.



Just then a ______________ appeared beside him. She jumped ______________! beside him. “______________ here” she said, pointing at the letter


“What you need is a really ______________ accountant” she said. He went as white as a ______________ knowing how much they charged.


I’ll pay it, she said, after all I can af______________ it. With Brexit around the corner we’ve made lots of ______________ investments and I can see from my ______________ point that you’ve got a problem.


Happy that had a ______________ to help him, Santa reached for his navigation charts and started planning the ______________ that he need to take to get to his holiday destination.


He grabbed his phone, looked up his friend Undai’s number. When he answered Santa said “______________, I’m on my way, see you soon !’"



And on that note, I'll wish you a Merry Caristmas, Stay Safe, Stay Positive !


SPOILER ALERT - Answers below


The Caristmas Car Challenge Answers



As promised the blanks are filled in below. For some you'll kick yourself, for others you'll want to kick me.







Santa woke up and stretched. Goodness what a night he’d had, being a ROVER across the planet again. His muscles ached and he needed ABARTH.


He walked out from the bedroom, into the hallway looking for Mrs Claus. It was still dark, she was sitting on the front PORSCHE, polishing the silver with a DUSTER looking at the stars in the GALAXY. One was so bright that it looked like a super NOVA


‘Hello dear’, she said. ‘You look like you could do with a SWIFT pick me up. Fancy a CAPPUCHINO.’


‘Yes please’, said Santa. He sipped the mug, it wasn’t his usual brand. He winced, it was DIABLO


It had been a tough night. It started badly when he tripped over the wild JAGUAR that had been on the prowl out of the jungle.


Then in AUSTIN, Texas, he had had the run in with the SENATOR. Men in power in the US were not his favourite type of people, but he supposed he had been in the wrong. The trouble is that the wife - a right KUGA if ever there was one - had woken up when Santa entered their room, and started doing early morning yoga. She had just assumed the LOTUS position when her husband had woken, saw Santa with his HUMMER out and grabbed his COLT. ‘My wife’s not a FREEMONT’ he yelled as Santa fled into the night.


Feeling like a RENEGRADE. later he’d met the Hollywood STARLET who was after a selfie just when he was getting her TOYOTA the sack.


He had woken up a POLO pony at a stable and upset a young couple in a dark lane - the lad looked upset that he had been CORTINAn act. Mind you, looking at the boy in the cold, he thought that to be properly proportioned he should have been a MIDGET.


The scariest thing though was the little boy in Grand CAYMAN who had woken and shouted ‘Mummy, Mummy, I CEED Santa’. His mother had said, in a Carribbean accent, ‘No, no, DATSUN is your imagination. You bin sit-in in NISSAN agin’


On top of everything he was getting a bit fed up with health fads. He used to get glasses of Scotch left, the real insult this year was the KIA Ora someone had left. Oh well, he thought, at least the mince pies were still in abundance as he looked down at his straining buttons, a TRIUMPH for the strength of the cotton. If this carries on he might need a CORSAt next year ! His wife had said it was some sort of PHANTOM pregnancy !


At least he had the weekend away with his mates to look forward, playing lots of GOLF and visiting the dancing FIESTA at the MARINA in IBIZA.


Then he saw the envelope HONDA table, a letter from the taxman. They had been conducting an AUDIt into his affairs, as a result of a DISCOVERY honestly it was enough to drive anyone round the BENZ. The letter inside was demanding unpaid tax, interest and penalties. Penalties ! They were X5 what the tax originally amounted to !


Not exactly the PRELUDE he wanted to his break, he knew he needed to FOCUS on the letter. The problem related to business travel expenses, and especially payments made to an ESCORT service. Whilst he supposed he had been a bit CAVALIER with his affairs, if there was a problem to DODGE this was definitely it.


Grabbing the letter he went to his favourite SEAT in the garden to CITROEN. He smoothed the cushion out and wondered how he could pay the bill.


He had a large reindeer herd, certainly more than he needed. In it was his new favourite reindeer, Ica, the one he had high hopes for, with the MINI LED flash lit nose. Maybe he’d have to CELICA



He gazed up into INIFINITI.



Just then a SPRITE appeared beside him. She jumped UP! beside him. “PASSAT here” she said, pointing at the letter


“What you need is a really SMART accountant” she said. He went as white as a GHOST knowing how much they charged.


I’ll pay it, she said, after all I can afFORD it. With Brexit around the corner we’ve made lots of CONTINENTAL investments and I can see from my VANTAGE point that you’ve got a problem.


Happy that he had a DEFENDER to help him, Santa reached for his navigation charts and started planning the ROOTES that he need to take to get to his holiday destination. What a TRAVELLER he was.


He grabbed his phone, looked up his friend Undai’s number. When he answered Santa said “HYUNDAI, I’m on my way, see you soon !’

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