Updated: Aug 5
I thought I was being really clever two weeks ago in Vol 4, Ed 8 saying that I hadn't rushed to publish my take on the mini-Budget, preferring for things to settle down first, then launching into what the changes were.
Turns out I wasn't so bright after all.
The uninitiated might be wondering what on earth the Government are up to, luckily I have the answer. What isn't well known is that the PM is a skilled dance choreographer and is combining tax policy with the all time classic Hokey Cokey.
Now, sorry if this ruins childhood memories, but let's see if these words really work.
'You put your Chancellor in. Your Chancellor out. In, out, in out, shake it all about.'
'Oh, we're all going brokey, oh we're all going brokey, oh we're all going brokey.
Knees bend, arms stretched, Jeremy Hunt'
To make your Christmas party really rock, you can 'put your triple lock in...', 'your tax rise out', and especially for any Conservative party members out there - 'You put Liz Truss in...'
Seriously there are some major changes afoot. Taking each of the key policies of the mini-Budget:-
- 45% tax rate - you'd have to be living under a rock to miss this one. It was being cut, it's now not
- 19% income tax rate - it was coming in April to replace the 20% rate. Not any more it isn't
- Rishi Sunak, when Chancellor intended to increase corporation tax in April 2023 (to 25% where a company’s profits exceeded £250,000 and an effective 26.5% rate on profits between £50,000 and £250,000 a year. Profits below 19% were going to stay taxed at 19%). Kwasi Kwarteng, when Chancellor abolished this move. Jeremy Hunt, now Chancellor, has brought the change back in
- The IR35 relaxations being brought in are now not being relaxed
- The scrapping of the Health and Social care levy (which we all see as extra NIC) is still being scrapped with effect from November. Presumably we are now sufficiently healthy and don't care for being social.
- The Stamp Duty Land Tax changes remain in place.
- Dividend tax, which increased by 1.25% in April this year, was to have been reduced to its old rates. Now it isn't.
Phew, amongst all this duckfittery going on it's about time I found some positives out there....
- I'm not this Estate Agent - I was visiting Lady Penelope (name changed to protect the innocent) today who was throwing her arms up in despair at an Estate Agent's description of a property she was selling.
Amongst other things it had 'A downstairs bathroom suitable for the disabled with a wheelchair accessible showroom'. Er...
It also had 'a drawing room looking out over a garden with a handcarved fireplace.'
- We have new company secretarial software - Company secretarial work is often the poor relation of accounting and legal firms. It's dull and unsexy (some people might say a bit like the author of this blog - but then some people are just mean).
Increasingly it is getting more complex, with extra regulations coming along to try and root out money laundering. So, as a result, we've just invested in a cutting edge system.
For those clients who trade with companies and for whom we look after the company secretarial function, don't be alarmed when you get an automated e-mail from us asking you to confirm details held at Companies House. It's perfectly painless for you to use...and unlike a change in PM, it will only happen once a year.
- Daisy has a new home- What might you be thinking when reading the following advert:-
'SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in the front seat of your car, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call XXXXXXXXXX and ask for Daisy.'
This was a real ad in Atlanta - as a result of which over 15,000 men called offering a new home to Daisy (an eight week old Labrador.)
On that happy note, last week I mentioned the crash of an almost empty French cheese lorry on the A14 leaving deux brie on the road. As an update, I found out what happened - the driver had lost his whey.
I'd better go – stay positive.
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