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The Positive Accountant Vol 1 Ed 36

Bounceback loans - an update.

This has become another steep learning curve.  (One of many we've had in the last six weeks...)

I have shared experiences of all of the Big Four banks through clients today.  

Natwest are using a 'pre application' system, which then gets batched up so that a proper application is sent to be completed.  They are boasting of 48 hours from application to loan, nobody I know has received any money yet.

I understand Barclays applications are directly through the online banking portal, and I understand that area of the website has crashed today.

HSBC, full applications were being made yesterday, but no money has yet been seen by applicant clients.

Lloyds - are the one where the client has seen the money arrive in their account.

There is one welcome clarification to the 'businesses in financial difficulty' section - the restriction that accumulated losses must be less than 50% of share capital restriction is relaxed where the business is less than three years old.

All financial figures given as part of the application are self certified(turnover and the financial difficulty section)  - what could possibly go wrong there ?  

And if you have ayear end of 31st December it might be worth thinking about accounting policies covering areas like depreciation, stock valuation etc.  Perhaps prudence might have depressed these figures putting your business needlessly into the 'financial difficulty' category.  

Remember, if you have 'missed' any previous editions, they can be found at

What are my positives today:-:

1. A client who is Lloyds customer got their Bounceback loan.

It's a start, that's got to be a good thing.

2.  I don't have a head the size of a planet 

This will only mean something for those who have joined a Zoom call with me.  (For those that haven't - you can change the background, mine sees me in orbit around the Earth) 

Dennis - exploring Zoom for the first time today - told me that he always thought I had a head the size of a planet - but now he can see that I don't.

Dennis, surely you meant brain ?  (And if you didn't, no need to correct me)

3. I'm not immune from funny typos

I've publicly taken the proverbial out of client's unfortunate typos.  So my turn, because I've really put my foot in it this time.

Tomorrow morning I have promised to research 'statutory sock pay'.   It could be a long task so I'll be  stocking up on coffee before booting up my computer.

And what am I talking to clients about  ?  

Oddly enough, and about time - Zoom (and similar) etiquette has cropped up.  

Is it ever acceptable to turn up latefor a Zoom meeting ?  (New excuses are needed, road blocked, roadworks, tube strike - all the old ones - don't work any more).

Is it ever acceptable to attend a Zoom call in pyjamas (I haven't seen it, but a client has reported witnessing it) ?

How many days of not shaving can you get away with before it's visible ?

How many minutes early should you make sure you're there by ?  And how long should a host waitbefore starting anyway ?

If arriving late do you slip in quietly, muted, or broadcast your arrival ?

Should you wear a tie (and jacket)?

Should we use backgrounds as standard or risk something embarrassing happening behind you ?  (I felt quite sorry for a situation I witnessed yesterday.  Client in front of a patio door indoors, the background being the garden.  In which the family dog was oblivious to his activities being broadcast over the internet !)

Should mobile phones be turned off when in Zoom meetings ?

When should you mute ?  All the time when not speaking ?  Or just have it on all the time picking up background noise ?

How do you deal with being on a Zoom and being needed elsewhere (the front door ringing).  Do you excuse yourself or just leap athletically into the air.

Is it OK to drink a coffee whilst in a Zoom meeting.  I think that is a 'yes '  as I would in a real meeting.  What about wine ? I think that's a 'no', but have witnessed it

How do you deal with a huge 'social' gathering where normally people would be huddling in groups ? Do you try and force a word in edgeways or just grin inanely at the screen ?

Has anyone screen shared an embarrassing screen ?  Do tell !

Will the answer be different on a 1:1 call compared with, say, 40 participants.

All these really difficult conventions to navigate through - what do you all think ?

Until tomorrow


07917 338342

I'll kill the rumours before they start.  This isnotour driveway

But it does indicate what the good people of Old Newton have been up to during lockdown.

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